Celebrating the Renaissance of the Cyberflâneur: Born to Die

Celebrating the Renaissance of the Cyberflâneur: Born to Die

Born to Die is the new music video directed by the celebrated photographer/filmmaker Yoann Lemoine, from the chart-topping major label album debut by 25-year-old retro chanteuse Lana Del Rey. A number of malcontent bloggers have taken snarky aim at Del Rey, taking issue with the size of her fantastic pout, with the fact that she changed her name from the far less exotic Lizzy Grant, and for presenting an image they feel is just too cool to be real. Nevertheless, Del Rey comes across like a gangster Lauren Bacall, finds musical inspiration in the bright lights of Monte Carlo and can sing with enough grace and longing to break your heart after just one verse.

Celebrating the Renaissance of the Cyberflâneur: Born to Die

(Best Viewed in HD Full-Scale Mode)

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Breaking News: Sources Report Anderson Cooper Finally Makes Revealing Personal Announcement!

Oh Yer All Such Gossip Mongers!  APRIL FOOLS!!

Slide Show: Anderson Cooper and the Guys/April Fools!

(Please Click Image to View Slide Show)

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Williamsburg Hair Man: “Gawker” Exposed as a Vile, Venomous Pit

Williamsburg Hair Man: “Gawker” Exposed as a Vile, Venomous Pit

Williamsburg Hair Man is a three-minute short film by Zach Timm and Matt Rivera, which on one level deals with how Chris Lancaster managed to grapple with his unwelcome notoriety, suddenly thrust upon him by coverage in the slimy New York City gossip blog, Gawker.  On a perhaps deeper level, the film is an example of the vile nature of Gawker’s narcissistic staff writers and commenters, who fashion themselves as modern counter-cultural activists.  But in fact they’re just a bottomless bucket of filth, who spend most of their time finding great satisfaction in degrading celebrities and politicians, and also taking immense pleasure in extending their painfully humiliating pronouncements to unsuspecting city residents, such as Brooklyn’s Mr. Lancaster.  And when finished with that, Gawker’s poseur writers fall back upon their compulsively gay fascinations with penises and then relaxations for the night with doobies, some blow and many drinks.

The Williamsburg Hair: A Sobering Look at Gawker Snarks

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Dogged Fameball Ego-Blobber Julia Allison Airs on Most Obscure TV Channel Ever!

Dogged Fameball Ego-Blobber Julia Allison Airs on Most Obscure TV Channel Ever!

Gawker reports that the never-ending ego-blobber Julia Allison has just informed them of some amazing, breaking world news: Her videoblog, TMIweekly, has been picked up by NBC’s New York Nonstop. Now, this turns out to be highly appropriate, because New York Nonstop is certainly as close as it gets to the edge of internet obscurity, while still letting one claim to be on television. This makes it quite a suitable perch for the vapid, irrelevant musings of Allison, an inappropriately well-known dating columnist for Time Out New York, and her two cohorts, Silicon Valley heiress Meghan Asha Parikh and vapid handbag designer Mary Rambin. The episodes of TMIweekly, Allison’s videoblog, have featured the goofy trio blathering on and on about totally uninteresting aspects of their lives (just imagine very bad Twittering, only videotaped).

It’s all part of their faux-business called NonSociety. Allison recently reported that NonSociety had taken in revenues of $60,000 during all of 2008. Calculating with an advanced business metric known as earnings before expenses, that would give NonSociety’s three pseudo-socialite Foundresses a living-level that’s just slightly above minimum wage. Now, whatever NBC is paying Allison for her 24×7 filler, it’s certainly too much, as NBC’s own officials seem to realize! Meredith McGinn, Senior Manager of Special Products for NBC4, explained to the New York Daily News: “You’ll get your meat, your news, weather and headlines-every 15 minutes. In between those 15 minutes, you may have a two-minute segment, a two-minute pod, a five-minute pod. So the shows we’re looking at are in little bits, not your traditional half-hour newscasts.”

So the news is the meat, which makes TMIweekly what, exactly? Shredded lettuce? Mayo? Anything, surely, except relish. So rather than force-feed you to watch even one awful episode of Julia Allison’s TMIweekly, here’s Gawker videographer Richard Blakeley’s much funnier parody-spoof, Welcome to NomSociety:

Julia Allison and Cohorts: Welcome To NomSociety

Thanks to Gawker.

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A Blogopticon of the Wide World of Blogs

Vanity Fair’s Blogopticon

(Click Image Above for the Blogopticon with Clickable Links)

Vanity Fair has put together this very handy grid of some of the world’s major blogs, which are arranged by news reporting (the Y-axis) and opinion (and juicy gossip) (the X-axis). The chart has extremely useful clickable icons, which link directly to the featured sites.

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There’s Just No News Today

There’s Just No News Today

There’s just no news today. The President was cloistered all alone in The Oval Office, so there are no news reports of any shenanigans or misbehaviors on his part. Plus, there were no terrorist attacks in either Europe or the Middle-East. And, sadly, there were no new juicy sex scandals involving government officials, ranging from senators to governors to mayors and city council members.

Private businesses simply closed their doors to all journalists yesterday, no access. Reportedly, most major corporations have agreed to institute a new nationwide rule: if any employee talks to a journalist, his or her job is in jeopardy. So, needless to say, there were no corporate whistle-blowers, neither yesterday nor today.

And, for the first time in decades, there were no news stories about celebrities. Perez Hilton didn’t post a single gossip item today, not a one. Celebrity thingees were going so slow, that it’s rumored Perez took the day off to do some whale impersonations with his bestest buddy Jason “Gummi Bear” Davis (Perez is still trying to get over the loss of his “kissy-kissy” John Mayer) ) at a Malibu beach. Lately, there have been so many unflattering articles about celebrities, ranging from the A-list to D-list celebrities, that public relations representatives would not give interviews with any of their clients yesterday or today. Now there was one celebrity report that was released yesterday, which at first looked as though it might turn out to be a good news story for today. Avant News released the findings of a large-scale, empirically-based study of the trajectory of celebrities and celebrity-hood, which reached the conclusion that in recent years there has been a remarkable rise in short-term celebrity status among citizens from all walks of life.

For the first time, according to our projections,” Dr. K. Phillip Townsend, a statistician at Rutgers University in New Jersey (many might remember Dr. Townsend from his three-week appearance on Fox TV’s Tenured and Untamed last spring), said, “America now has more celebrities than fans.” That trend, which determined that the current celebrity-to-fan ratio (CTFR) is 52:48, is due to multiple factors, including the proliferation of venues for reality television, politics, sporting events, and tabloid news outlets, but even more to do with a substantial “lowering of the bar” that is required for the elevation of an ordinary person to celebrity status, according to Dr. Townsend.

Fans tend to be fiercely loyal to a given celebrity for a period ranging from thirty seconds up to four days,” co-author Dr. Griffith said. “At that point, either the celebrity is deposed by a new, bigger, brighter celebrity, or the fan’s attention span is simply unable to sustain further interest. Either way, the fan moves on and the celebrity is left out in the cold.”

Hoping to wrench a real, headline-grabbing news story out of this research report, entertainment news executives and news anchors made lightning-fast searches to track down one of those “ordinary people” who had suddenly achieved celebrity status and notoriety, hoping to land a blockbuster interview about the experience of newly-found fame, celebrity-hood and notoriety. Finally, they found who they initially thought was the perfect candidate, a Mr. Rupert Ioderm.

Rupert, an unemployed temporary worker, had achieved brief celebrity status yesterday evening during his appearance on Dancing With the Unemployed Temporary Workers on The Lifestyle Television Channel. Mr. Ioderm said that he has been very painfully affected by what he calls “post-crawl depression“, referring to the euphoria that an ephemeral celebrity experiences upon seeing his or her name briefly appear in the news crawl at the bottom of the television screen, only to disappear and never appear there again.

When I saw my name flickering by with the headline ‘Ioderm Wins Dancing With Temps Round 1, Chokes in Runoff’, I thought I’d finally found my calling,” Mr. Ioderm said. “To be famous for having had my name appear in the crawl. Life feels so empty and meaningless now. The crawl is gone. The crawl is gone away.”

So Rupert Ioderm is really old news, not News for Now, News for Today. He’s just one more example of “Just No News Today.” However, Mr. Ioderm will be appearing next month on Losers in the News and on Dancing with the Temps: A Retrospective, both of which will air on The E-Network. Now, if reporters (maybe like from Gawker or TMZ) can just manage to catch up with him quickly enough, maybe he’ll be news then. We’ll just have to wait and see.

But for now, while the bulk of our print and TV news is usually chock-full of local crimes, stupid celebrity news, just pain old silly stories, weather, sports, and consumer information (with randomly partisan narcissistic pundits giving their smarty-pants spins about government, elections and economic issues…Hello, Andrew Sullivan…), today there was absolutely nothing to report. There was just No News Today.

Just No News Today

The Beatles: A Day in the Life

I Read the News Today…Oh Boy…

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Albert Reed: He’s Back…

Albert Reed and George Clooney…Rumors

Albert Reed: I’m Sexy Hot!!

Albert Reed: Dancing with the Stars

Albert Reed Returns…

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