There’s Just No News Today

There’s Just No News Today

There’s just no news today. The President was cloistered all alone in The Oval Office, so there are no news reports of any shenanigans or misbehaviors on his part. Plus, there were no terrorist attacks in either Europe or the Middle-East. And, sadly, there were no new juicy sex scandals involving government officials, ranging from senators to governors to mayors and city council members.

Private businesses simply closed their doors to all journalists yesterday, no access. Reportedly, most major corporations have agreed to institute a new nationwide rule: if any employee talks to a journalist, his or her job is in jeopardy. So, needless to say, there were no corporate whistle-blowers, neither yesterday nor today.

And, for the first time in decades, there were no news stories about celebrities. Perez Hilton didn’t post a single gossip item today, not a one. Celebrity thingees were going so slow, that it’s rumored Perez took the day off to do some whale impersonations with his bestest buddy Jason “Gummi Bear” Davis (Perez is still trying to get over the loss of his “kissy-kissy” John Mayer) ) at a Malibu beach. Lately, there have been so many unflattering articles about celebrities, ranging from the A-list to D-list celebrities, that public relations representatives would not give interviews with any of their clients yesterday or today. Now there was one celebrity report that was released yesterday, which at first looked as though it might turn out to be a good news story for today. Avant News released the findings of a large-scale, empirically-based study of the trajectory of celebrities and celebrity-hood, which reached the conclusion that in recent years there has been a remarkable rise in short-term celebrity status among citizens from all walks of life.

For the first time, according to our projections,” Dr. K. Phillip Townsend, a statistician at Rutgers University in New Jersey (many might remember Dr. Townsend from his three-week appearance on Fox TV’s Tenured and Untamed last spring), said, “America now has more celebrities than fans.” That trend, which determined that the current celebrity-to-fan ratio (CTFR) is 52:48, is due to multiple factors, including the proliferation of venues for reality television, politics, sporting events, and tabloid news outlets, but even more to do with a substantial “lowering of the bar” that is required for the elevation of an ordinary person to celebrity status, according to Dr. Townsend.

Fans tend to be fiercely loyal to a given celebrity for a period ranging from thirty seconds up to four days,” co-author Dr. Griffith said. “At that point, either the celebrity is deposed by a new, bigger, brighter celebrity, or the fan’s attention span is simply unable to sustain further interest. Either way, the fan moves on and the celebrity is left out in the cold.”

Hoping to wrench a real, headline-grabbing news story out of this research report, entertainment news executives and news anchors made lightning-fast searches to track down one of those “ordinary people” who had suddenly achieved celebrity status and notoriety, hoping to land a blockbuster interview about the experience of newly-found fame, celebrity-hood and notoriety. Finally, they found who they initially thought was the perfect candidate, a Mr. Rupert Ioderm.

Rupert, an unemployed temporary worker, had achieved brief celebrity status yesterday evening during his appearance on Dancing With the Unemployed Temporary Workers on The Lifestyle Television Channel. Mr. Ioderm said that he has been very painfully affected by what he calls “post-crawl depression“, referring to the euphoria that an ephemeral celebrity experiences upon seeing his or her name briefly appear in the news crawl at the bottom of the television screen, only to disappear and never appear there again.

When I saw my name flickering by with the headline ‘Ioderm Wins Dancing With Temps Round 1, Chokes in Runoff’, I thought I’d finally found my calling,” Mr. Ioderm said. “To be famous for having had my name appear in the crawl. Life feels so empty and meaningless now. The crawl is gone. The crawl is gone away.”

So Rupert Ioderm is really old news, not News for Now, News for Today. He’s just one more example of “Just No News Today.” However, Mr. Ioderm will be appearing next month on Losers in the News and on Dancing with the Temps: A Retrospective, both of which will air on The E-Network. Now, if reporters (maybe like from Gawker or TMZ) can just manage to catch up with him quickly enough, maybe he’ll be news then. We’ll just have to wait and see.

But for now, while the bulk of our print and TV news is usually chock-full of local crimes, stupid celebrity news, just pain old silly stories, weather, sports, and consumer information (with randomly partisan narcissistic pundits giving their smarty-pants spins about government, elections and economic issues…Hello, Andrew Sullivan…), today there was absolutely nothing to report. There was just No News Today.

Just No News Today

The Beatles: A Day in the Life

I Read the News Today…Oh Boy…

TechnoratiTechnorati: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Please Remember Me and Bookmark This:

Dr. Phil Reportedly Named a Top Hillary Campaign Adviser

Yes indeedy, allegedly well-placed Washington sources are whispering rumors that the infamous, publicity mongering Dr.Phil has just been named to a top advisory position in Hillary Clinton’s political campaign. He’ll join the likes of Ragin’ Bill Clinton, Howard “Hoodwink ‘Em” Wolfson, Magpie Williams, and Mark “I Run This Show” Penn in helping to determine our political destiny during the next few weeks.

And just coincidentally, it’s ratings sweeps time again in television land!! Since Dr. Phil can’t exploit Britney Spears again right now (since her own family is doing a good job of that) or the teenage girl accused of being the ringleader of a high school smackdown, Dr. Phil has turned to ripping off a sick, but popular popular reality show: The Moment of Truth. it’s been exposed how the good non-doc’s using a polygraph, a child molestation victim, and fancy graphics all in the name of ratings. It’s being rumored that Hillary might make a special appearance as one of the very first guests on Dr. Phil’s version of Moment of Truth, just to prove that all of her notorious “misspokens” were actually true!!

Dr. Phil’s Moment of Truth

TechnoratiTechnorati: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Please Remember Me and Bookmark This:

Albert Reed: He’s Back…

Albert Reed and George Clooney…Rumors

Albert Reed: I’m Sexy Hot!!

Albert Reed: Dancing with the Stars

Albert Reed Returns…

TechnoratiTechnorati: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Please Bookmark This:

Paris Hilton: God’s on Hold. For Now, it’s Drunken Elephants and Pole Swallowing.

Ring, Ring…God Calling Paris

Back in early June, newly redeemed Paris Hilton piously whispered, “I’m not the same person I was. I used to act dumb. It was an act. I am 26 years old, and that act is no longer cute. It is not who I am, nor do I want to be that person for the young girls who looked up to me. I know now that I can make a difference, that I have the power to do that. I have been thinking that I want to do different things when I am out of here. I have become much more spiritual. God has given me this new chance.”

She said that she would like to help in the fields of breast cancer, her grandmother had breast cancer or multiple sclerosis. Her father’s mother suffers from that disease. She thought she might get toy companies to build a kind of Paris Hilton playhouse, where sick children might come (Yoo-Hoo…Oh Michael Jackson…Are you listening?) and the toy companies could donate toys.

She said that she had a person in jail whom she described as a spiritual adviser who told her, “My spirit or soul did not like the way I was being seen and that is why I was sent to jail.” But now, she said, “God has released me.”

At the time, Paris said that she was reading newspapers, The Los Angeles Times, The Wall Street Journal, and books like The Secret, The Power of Now and absolutely, absolutely of course…The Bible. And finally, Paris devoutly assured the world, “I will never again have a drink and drive.”

Right. Right to all that. Yep. Sure….

Later God. It’s Drunken Elephants Now

Well, Paris’s work for the Lord didn’t last long, if at all. Hilton’s latest publicity crusade seemed to be highlighting the problem of binge-drinking elephants in northeastern India. Now, binge-drinking is certainly an area of considerable expertise for Paris. Activists say that Hilton’s celebrity endorsement would be sure to raise awareness of the plight of the pachyderms that get drunk on farmers’ homemade rice beer and then go on a rampage.

“The elephants get drunk all the time. It is becoming really dangerous. We need to stop making alcohol available to them,” the 26-year-old socialite allegedly said in a deeply heart-felt report that was posted on World Entertainment News Network’s Web site. Since then, her comments were picked up by other Web sites and newspapers around the globe.

Last month, six wild elephants that broke into a farm in the state of Meghalaya were electrocuted after drinking the potent brew and then uprooting an electricity pole. “There would have been more casualties if the villagers hadn’t chased them away. And four elephants died in a similar way three years ago. It is just so sad,” Hilton was allegedly quoted as saying in Tokyo last week. She was in Tokyo to judge a beauty contest.

And, of course, after all of this excitement, Hilton’s publicist now denies that Paris is working to help drunken elephants. However, Paris might make a trip to Rwanda next year. Now, that would be quite a sight….

Pink Drunken Elephants

And a Little Pole Swallowing

Now, after Paris made her important whirlwind trip to Tokyo to judge a fashion show, you just can’t blame the girl for going out on the town as soon as she flew back into New York City. Sometimes, a girl’s just got to let her hair down. In this case, Paris went out for a night of Pole Dancing, or as some have described it..er..Pole Swallowing.

Paris Pole Swallowing

TechnoratiTechnorati: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Be Social:

God is Ousted from his Tulsa Magic Kingdom: The Oral Roberts University Scandal

Praying Hands: For God or More Money?

Twenty years ago, on his widely viewed national televsion program, televangelist Oral Roberts announced to his viewers that he had been reading a spy novel when, all of a sudden, God visited him and ordered him to raise $8 million for Roberts’ university, or else he would be “called home.” Of course, not wanting that to happen, Roberts’ viewers showered him with vast amounts of money for the university.

Last Tuesday, three former professors at Oral Roberts University sued the evangelical institution in Tulsa (OK), filing a petition in state court that accuses the university’s current president, Oral Roberts’ son Richard L. Roberts, of using university resources to back a local mayoral candidate and to bankroll an extravagant lifestyle for his family. The lawsuit also says that university administrators tried to cover up the president’s involvement in the mayoral campaign when the Internal Revenue Service began investigating the nonprofit institution’s interventions into local politics.

The university immediately issued brief a statement regarding the lawsuit on Tuesday that read, in its entirety, “It is important for ORU students and their families, faculty and staff, alumni, partners as well as the general public to understand that this lawsuit is largely premised upon a compilation of incomplete statements, unsubstantiated rumors, and innuendoes. ORU will address these allegations through the legal process.”

Later in the week, Oral Roberts University President Richard Roberts, announced that God had recently visited him as well, ordering him to deny all of the lurid allegations that are contained in a lawsuit that threatens to bury this 44-year-old Bible Belt college in scandal. As mentioned before, Roberts is accused of illegal involvement in a local political campaign and extravagant spending at the university’s donors’ expense, lavish spending that has included numerous home remodeling projects, use of the university’s jet for his daughter’s senior trip to the Bahamas, and a red Mercedes convertible and Lexus SUV for his wife, Lindsay. She, in turn, is being accused of squandering tens of thousands of dollars on clothes, awarding nonacademic scholarships to friends of her children and sending scores of text messages on university-issued cell phones to people described in the lawsuit as “underage males.”

Roberts’ announcement came during a chapel service last week on the 5,300-student campus known for its 60-foot-tall bronze sculpture of praying hands. He told the assembled students and faculty members God had personally advised him that, “We live in a litigious society. Anyone can get mad and file a lawsuit against another person whether they have a legitimate case or not. This lawsuit … is about intimidation, blackmail and extortion.” One member of the university’s Board of Regents, San Antonio televangelist John Hagee, said that, “The university’s executive board is conducting a full and thorough investigation.”

Colleagues of the three professors claiming wrongful dismissal for giving a report of Richard Roberts’ misconduct, now fear for the reputation of the university and the future of the Roberts’ ministry, which grew from Southern tent revivals to one of the most successful evangelical empires in the country, hauling in tens of millions of dollars in contributions a year. For example, the university reported nearly $76 million in revenue in 2005, according to the Internal Revenue Service.

The 89 year-old Oral Roberts now lives in California, but he still holds the position of chancellor of Oral Roberts University. However, the university describes him as semi-retired, and his son presides over day-to-day operations on the campus. The university’s campus, which had a modern, space-age design when it was first constructed in the early 1960s, now looks strangely outdated, not unlike Disney’s Tomorrowland in The Magic Kingdom at Walt Disney World in Orlando (FL).

Some students are thinking about transferring to another school, because the scandal has “severely devalued and hurt the reputation of [their degrees].” “We have asked and asked and asked to see the finances of our school and what they’re doing with our money, and we’ve been told no,” said one of those students. “Now we know why. As a student, I’m not going to stand for it any longer.”

The allegations are contained in a lawsuit filed Tuesday by three former professors who are suing Oral Roberts University and Richard Roberts, claiming that they were wrongfully dismissed after reporting the school’s involvement in a local political race. According to the suit, in 2005 Roberts asked a professor to use his students and university resources to aid a county commissioner’s bid for Tulsa mayor. Such involvement would violate state and federal law because of the university’s nonprofit status. Up to 50 students are alleged to have worked on the campaign.

The professors also said their dismissals came after they turned over to the board of regents a copy of a report that documented the moral and ethical lapses on the part of Roberts and his family. That report alleged dozens of alleged instances of misconduct, including:

  • A longtime maintenance employee was fired so that an underage male friend of Mrs. Roberts could have his position.
  • Mrs. Roberts, who is a member of the Board of Regents and is referred to as ORU’s “first lady” on the university’s website, frequently had cell-phone bills of more than $800 per month, with hundreds of text messages sent between 1 a.m. to 3 a.m. to “underage males who had been provided phones at university expense.”
  • The university’s jet was used to take one daughter and several friends on a senior trip to Orlando, Fla., and the Bahamas. The $29,411 trip was billed to the ministry as an “evangelistic function of the president.”
  • Mrs. Roberts spent more than $39,000 at one Chico’s clothing store alone in less than a year, and had other accounts in Texas and California. She also repeatedly said, “As long as I wear it once on TV, we can charge it off.” The document cites inconsistencies in clothing purchases and actual usage on TV.
  • Mrs. Roberts was given a white Lexus SUV and a red Mercedes convertible by ministry donors.
  • University and ministry employees are regularly summoned to the Roberts’ home to do the daughters’ homework.
  • The university and ministry maintain a stable of horses for exclusive use by the Roberts’ children.
  • The Roberts’ home has been remodeled 11 times in the past 14 years.

Tim Brooker, one of the professors who sued, said he that fears for the university’s survival if certain changes aren’t made. “All over that campus, there are signs up that say, ‘And God said, build me a university, build it on my authority, and build it on the Holy Spirit,'” Brooker said.

Unfortunately, it seems that the ownership of the university has shifted.

The Oral Roberts University Scandal

TechnoratiTechnorati: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Be Social:

My Articles for Wednesday, September 19, 2007

“Picture of the Day: Pandora’s Box Always Holds Hope.” A colorful picture to remind us that even in the worst of times, we can find sources of support and hope.

[tags: blogs, myth, hope, Pandora]

I have already pointed out on my own blog what I believe to be the intentionally venomous effects of Matt Drudge’s so-called corrupt reporting at The Drudge Report. In a Time Magazine posting today, Joe Klein agrees and asserts that Drudge is absolutely shameless about distorting news and misleading his readers.

[tags: blogs, Matt Drudge, The Drudge Report, news, distorted news, politics, celebrities]

See the Rest of My Artcles at Blue Dot

TechnoratiTechnorati: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Be Social:

Matt Drudge Continues His Crusade as a Shameless Disgrace

Matt Drudge: The Drudge Report

I have already pointed out here and also here on my blog what I believe to be the intentionally venomous effects of Matt Drudge’s so-called corrupt reporting at The Drudge ReportJoe Klein posts this in Time Magazine today:

“I know this is old news, but this guy is shameless.  The headline, with a photo of a three-quarters crazed Hillary, is HEALTH INSURANCE PROOF REQUIRED FOR WORK but the linked story says this:

At this point, we don’t have anything punitive that we have proposed,” the presidential candidate said in an interview with The Associated Press. “We’re providing incentives and tax credits which we think will be very attractive to the vast majority of Americans.  “She said she could envision a day when “you have to show proof to your employer that you’re insured as a part of the job interview — like when your kid goes to school and has to show proof of vaccination,” but said such details would be worked out through negotiations with Congress.

How stupid does he think we are?  Answer: Extremely dumbolic.

I’ll have more about Clinton’s health plan in this week’s print column.”

TechnoratiTechnorati: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Be Social:

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 2,457 other followers

%d bloggers like this: