Ring, Ring, Ring: It’s God Calling Paris

A newly redeemed Paris Hilton piously whispers, “I’m not the same person I was.  I used to act dumb.  It was an act.  I am 26 years old, and that act is no longer cute.  It is not who I am, nor do I want to be that person for the young girls who looked up to me.  I know now that I can make a difference, that I have the power to do that.  I have been thinking that I want to do different things when I am out of here.  I have become much more spiritual.  God has given me this new chance.”

She said she would like to help in the fields of breast cancer, her grandmother had breast cancer or multiple sclerosis.  Her father’s mother suffers from that disease.  She thought she might get toy companies to build a kind of Paris Hilton playhouse, where sick children might come (Oh Michael Jackson…Are you listening?) and the toy companies could donate toys.

She has had a person whom she described as a spiritual adviser who said, “My spirit or soul did not like the way I was being seen and that is why I was sent to jail.”

God,” she said, “has released me.”

She is reading newspapers, The Los Angeles Times, The Wall Street Journal, and books like The Secret, The Power of Now and absolutely, absolutely of course…The Bible.  And finally, Paris devoutly assures the world, “I will never again have a drink and drive.”

Right.  Right to all that.  Yep.

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7 Responses to “Ring, Ring, Ring: It’s God Calling Paris”

  1. Et Cetera: Publick and Privat Curiosities Paris Hilton’s Racial Slurs Exposed on Video Tape « Says:

    […] Paris Hilton was making the news this week with her lawsuit against a website that published her personal […]

  2. Et Cetera: Publick and Privat Curiosities Pulling the Plug: Paris Hilton’s Racial Slurs and Lurid Sexy Videos « Says:

    […] Paris Hilton shot a commercial for Carl’s Jr. fast-food chain that immediately ignited controversy about whether it could actually be aired, due to its “pornographic” nature. But, since when did anybody think they could put Paris Hilton in front of a camera and have it not turn out pornographic? The woman is the very definition of sleazy, dime-store pornographic. It’s been said that in some states it’s against the law for you to even look at her in public. […]

  3. drmike Says:

    Reading papers or just looking at the pictures and adverts? You deside! 🙂

  4. disembedded Says:

    Judging from her past history of intellectual pursuits and scholarly interests, I would lay bets that she’s just looking for pictures of herself!

  5. raincoaster Says:

    Funny, she used being dumb as a defence in court. I say she’s honest when she says she’s dumb, unrealistic when she says she’s not.

    But why is she getting special treatment in jail? It’s not as if anyone would recognize her without the makeup.

  6. timethief Says:

    Gag me :Q…

  7. Et Cetera: Publick and Privat Curiosities Paris Hilton’s Self-Portrait: A Disturbing Sketch of Narcissistic Needs « Says:

    […] her very presence creating a huge traffic jam that angered surrounding neighbors.  It seems that Hilton’s plans to serve God in some way, perhaps by creating a halfway house for former ex-convicts like herself, will have to […]

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