Paris Hilton: God’s on Hold. For Now, it’s Drunken Elephants and Pole Swallowing.

Ring, Ring…God Calling Paris

Back in early June, newly redeemed Paris Hilton piously whispered, “I’m not the same person I was. I used to act dumb. It was an act. I am 26 years old, and that act is no longer cute. It is not who I am, nor do I want to be that person for the young girls who looked up to me. I know now that I can make a difference, that I have the power to do that. I have been thinking that I want to do different things when I am out of here. I have become much more spiritual. God has given me this new chance.”

She said that she would like to help in the fields of breast cancer, her grandmother had breast cancer or multiple sclerosis. Her father’s mother suffers from that disease. She thought she might get toy companies to build a kind of Paris Hilton playhouse, where sick children might come (Yoo-Hoo…Oh Michael Jackson…Are you listening?) and the toy companies could donate toys.

She said that she had a person in jail whom she described as a spiritual adviser who told her, “My spirit or soul did not like the way I was being seen and that is why I was sent to jail.” But now, she said, “God has released me.”

At the time, Paris said that she was reading newspapers, The Los Angeles Times, The Wall Street Journal, and books like The Secret, The Power of Now and absolutely, absolutely of course…The Bible. And finally, Paris devoutly assured the world, “I will never again have a drink and drive.”

Right. Right to all that. Yep. Sure….

Later God. It’s Drunken Elephants Now

Well, Paris’s work for the Lord didn’t last long, if at all. Hilton’s latest publicity crusade seemed to be highlighting the problem of binge-drinking elephants in northeastern India. Now, binge-drinking is certainly an area of considerable expertise for Paris. Activists say that Hilton’s celebrity endorsement would be sure to raise awareness of the plight of the pachyderms that get drunk on farmers’ homemade rice beer and then go on a rampage.

“The elephants get drunk all the time. It is becoming really dangerous. We need to stop making alcohol available to them,” the 26-year-old socialite allegedly said in a deeply heart-felt report that was posted on World Entertainment News Network’s Web site. Since then, her comments were picked up by other Web sites and newspapers around the globe.

Last month, six wild elephants that broke into a farm in the state of Meghalaya were electrocuted after drinking the potent brew and then uprooting an electricity pole. “There would have been more casualties if the villagers hadn’t chased them away. And four elephants died in a similar way three years ago. It is just so sad,” Hilton was allegedly quoted as saying in Tokyo last week. She was in Tokyo to judge a beauty contest.

And, of course, after all of this excitement, Hilton’s publicist now denies that Paris is working to help drunken elephants. However, Paris might make a trip to Rwanda next year. Now, that would be quite a sight….

Pink Drunken Elephants

And a Little Pole Swallowing

Now, after Paris made her important whirlwind trip to Tokyo to judge a fashion show, you just can’t blame the girl for going out on the town as soon as she flew back into New York City. Sometimes, a girl’s just got to let her hair down. In this case, Paris went out for a night of Pole Dancing, or as some have described it..er..Pole Swallowing.

Paris Pole Swallowing

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