Microsoft Vista Will Make You Think Porn Models Love You!!

MICROSOFT’S VISTA PROVIDES AN AMAZING NEW PORN-VIEWING EXPERIENCE

Bill Gates Announces Vista’s Amazing Advances in Porn Viewing

Microsoft’s New Vista Technology Transforms The Experience of Pornography Website Browsing:

NewsBiscuit is an astonishingly innovative English press service which is able to go beyond simply reporting the latest breaking world news.  Through its unprecedented new investigative technologies, NewsBiscuit is able to report important local and international news even before it happens.  In a news release last week, NewsBiscuit was the first reporting source to announce:

Microsoft proudly unveiled its new operating system, Vista, this week with the claim that it will completely transform web browsing for the largest sector of the internet community.  Using Microsoft’s revolutionary new software, solitary men accessing hardcore pornography sites will now experience a profound feeling of requited love and mutual respect for the girls on their favourite sites. 
‘This OS could be the greatest leap forward since Windows 95’ said Bill Gates.  ‘Detailed research showed that the greatest problem with the internet was that a huge proportion of its users were left feeling even more lonely and depressed when they logged off.   But with Vista’s Aero interface and DRM technology requiring 512Mb of RAM an 800Mhz processor, visitors to hard-core girlie sites will now experience an adrenalin surge similar to that experienced by young people first falling in love.  Web surfers will think that the naked woman looking out from the screen really does love just them.’

Since the launch of the internet, the pornography industry has experienced a massive boom, with millions of explicit sites earning billions of dollars a year.  However no software has yet ever been able to bridge pornography’s holy grail of the ‘credibility gap’ and overcome the ludicrous idea that beautiful young, apparently sex-hungry girls would ever choose a creepy balding, fifty-year-old divorced man from Birmingham.

Research by Microsoft confirmed that the greatest frustration experienced by internet users was that deep down they knew that the beautiful naked women were completely uninterested in them.  ‘Before Vista, all operating systems left millions of internet users with a nagging sense of loneliness and self-loathing.  Now they feel loved. It’s really neat’ said Gates.

However in California, the pornography industry is already alarmed at the noticeable shift in demand.  With men finally developing some sort of meaningful relationship with the girls on their screens, there has been a marked change in the type of webpages sought out by browsers.  Most popular searches at midnight last night were ‘How about I just give you a back rub’ and ‘We haven’t seen your mom for a while.’